I miss watching you play, so I looked at a picture of you playing.
I miss hearing the sound of your toys, so I went to your room and turned on your light sabre.
I miss hearing your sweet voice and contagious laugh, so I watched a video of you.
I miss your goodnight kisses and holding you in my arms, so I cried.
Your touch can never be replaced. A picture, a video, a memory will never suffice. Nothing compares to the physicality of running my fingers through your soft, thick hair or kissing your warm, sweet cheeks or holding your sweaty little hand. I am learning to cope without you, moment by moment, day by day, but I still can't get past not having you here to touch. To feel your warmth radiate through me as we slept side by side as you neared the end. To rub your aching back or tickle your feet to see that amazingly beautiful smile of yours.
I am trying to learn how to feel you in my heart, but just as grief is a process so too is learning to live with you in my heart instead of my arms. I long for the day we are together again. And as I wait, I take comfort knowing you are happy. As much pain as I am in now missing your touch, I can feel it deep inside that you are well. I cry happy tears knowing you are in the arms of Jesus now.
I pray every night that He hug you once for me (a song by Erica McClure)