What a bummer... I didn't think I would live this long without you, but I did. Soon it will be the second anniversary of Xavier's death and what should be his 10th birthday. As we approach this emotional milestone, I feel different. The first year was shock, intense acute grief, guilt, excruciating heartache, disbelief, anger and days where I wanted to eat junk and hide under the blankets with my boxes of Kleenex for as long as I could. That first year and much of the second were really all about survival. To be honest, I really didn't care whether I lived or died. And my actions reflected this sentiment. I stopped taking care of myself. I stopped eating properly, I became sedentary and stopped caring that my blood sugars and blood pressure were on a constant roller coaster. Managing the barrage of emotions wasn't even a consideration; I was grieving. I was trying to survive on a raindrop's worth of life energy. And just getting out of bed everyday to pretend I
A journal of my life and the stories of those around me. A novel in the making.