The Book of Me

New Years  A time of reflection. A time of celebration. A time of joy and a time of sorrow.  I approach 2018 with so many mixed emotions.  This year has been hell on Earth. The pain and heartache of losing Xavier will forever be how we remember 2017.  But leaving this year and starting anew fills me with an overwhelming sadness. To say goodbye to this awful year is to also say goodbye to the last year I will ever see Xavier alive. He lived in 2017. I have memories we made together in 2017.  Next year I will have none. He will not lived a day in 2018.  New Year’s is one more piercing stab of reality he is gone.  2017 was the worst year of my life, yet I want to hang onto it forever.  Hidden within the brokenness of 2017 was also a year of immeasurable growth: growth in my faith, my spirituality and my awareness of who I really am.  I lost my son and found insight. Things I had been searching for in my life and trying to make sense of suddenly became clear.  I found

A deeper meaning in the Last Jedi As the hype grows hot for the new Star Wars movie The Last Jedi, my heart grows sad. The movie, which premiered in LA this weekend, comes to local theatres on Thursday.  Seeing the new Star Wars movies has kinda been a thing for our family. Before having kids, it was an automatic date night for Mark and I (and I really enjoyed the added romance between Anakin and Padme). Then when we had kids, especially a boy who grew to love the original Star Wars just as much as his dad, going to the movies to see the newest one became an "event". Mark and Xavier would brave the crowds to go during opening weekend, then about a week later Mackenzie and I would go with the boys (because they are that good to see them twice in one week!)  But months before the movie was even in theatres we talked about going. When the trailer for the trailer would come out we would all get excited and then watch the trailers over and over again online. It a