Friday, 20 November 2015

A new direction

Life takes you on some unexpected turns and you never know where it will go. But the most important thing is to keep focused on looking forward.

Again today I find myself full of bittersweet emotions as I leave my job to focus more on my family. It seems like a no-brainer, but it has been a difficult decision - and not the first time I have done this.

Back in 2010 after Xavier's diagnosis and first round of treatment, I returned to my job as a reporter with the local newspaper. It didn't take me long to realize the stress of the job, the deadlines and the politics, was not worth the anxiety it carried with me at home. I still struggled to pull the plug and hand in my resignation, but after I did, it was a huge relief. I could be there for my kids and I could take care of me.

Life eventually settled and I accepted the past for what it was ... 

Five years later, I rebuilt a new career because working (for the money and my own self-confidence) has always been important to me. For as long as I can remember, what I did was who I was. So if I did nothing (no job, no career) than I was no one.

Now I have decided once again to leave this career behind in order to provide the much-needed support my family needs, including myself.  Xavier's relapse and ongoing care to both him and his sister has opened my eyes to the fact that I am EVERYTHING to my children. Of course this won't always be the case, but I want to take advantage of it while I can -- and do the best job in the world: being a mom. 

I am living my life, but focused on a different direction than I had originally seen myself doing. I didn't end up back in this place, making this decision again for no reason. It's because I am meant to do this.

Don't get my wrong, I am scared as hell! But I am doing it afraid because in my heart I know it is the right thing to do.

I have learned more from being a mom than I have in any  other job I have had. Not only did I get schooled in nursing through Xavier's cancer, but I am training to be a psychologist too! It is a challenge every day and demands my full attention.

And in the end, I know that the hard work will pay off for myself, my kids and my husband. And I am incredibly thankful that I have the opportunity to do this.

We all have ideas of how our life should be, and what we expect should be important to us. At the same time, we all know life on Earth is not permanent and at any moment, any one of us could be called to a better place. And for some of us like me, it takes a concrete example, like  my son's incurable brain cancer, to give us that kick in the ass to go against how we "think" it should be and just do what "it" is.

My "it" right now is to be a full-time Mom.

Who knows where life will go in the next while, but I am prepared to keep moving forward.

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