Wednesday, 14 March 2018

The numbers game of grief

To my sweet child in heaven, 

I missed the 10 month anniversary of you being gone. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
My day on March 13 wasn’t extraordinary, just full of regular life. Work, family, house stuff ...

So how was it that I failed to recognize the day as being 10 months without you. I thought of you. I thought of you lots like I always do and talked about you and looked at your picture and said goodnight like I always do. Perhaps I felt like you were so much a part of my day that it wasn’t worth pointing out you have been gone for 10 months.

But on the other hand how could I not remember such an important milestone. Every day without you is important. Am I forgetting you...

I think I have been so focused on it being almost one year since you died that these two months before are minor in comparison to this one-year anniversary I would rather not celebrate.Yay I made it a year so it must mean I can make it another and another and another...

But in reality the pain is getting worse. It’s so hard to believe it’s almost been a year because I hurt just as much as the first day you left. I have more days without tears, I am living. But when the right thought pops into my head, it rips open the wound and it hurts like hell all over again. 

It's always about numbers and dates. A human flaw on Earth to be so linear in a world where science has said time is not real. I long for the day I no longer need to measure the days and time. I am happy you no longer have this incredible stressor in your new life. I take comfort to know that before your first day in heaven is through, I will be back with you!

2 Peter 3:8But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.

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