The Book of Me

Here it is now almost eight months since the horror of Xavier's relapse and severe meningitis and the pain still lingers. Will it ever go away? Not likely. Our healing is a road that never ends running parellel with our reality of managing an incurable cancer. It stretches across oceans, through that darkness of space, up to light where our Heavenly Father hears our cries. Still I hear the sorrowful moans from my childrens bedrooms. Another bad dream I suppose, a nightmare that had come true. We entered another barrage of appointments; each a reminder of this journey we call childhood cancer. The weeks before the next MRI are always the hardest. For all of us. While some live their lives never having to step foot in a hospital with their child (aside from bringing them home after their joyous arrival) others see the walls of the hospital as a second home. Rarely do we walk the halls of Mac without recognizing a familiar face. It is strangely comforting. We live diffe...

It was the first of two days I will never forgot.  May 31, 2009.  For some, you may recognize this date. It was an eruption of joy and euphoric exhaustion.  It was the day I became a mother. A mom of twins.  I can still feel the soothing heat swell in my heart as I held my baby girl and baby boy in my arms on the operating table for the first time. As I recall that day I feel a sense of pride and purpose.  It was the beginning of a new me. I was evolving inside and out as I began my journey into motherhood. It was going to be glorious.  But it wasn't easy. There were nights I wished I could just turn off the monitor and go back to sleep (of course I never did that!). And to be honest, there were days I hated being a mom. I didn't know what I was doing half the time and when I did get something right, it never worked out the same the next time. Twins were exhausting.  But just as I was settling into what I felt was the monotonous ...